if i was merely horny i would have been laid by now

maybe i sealed my own fate when i reached out before it was entirely appopriate. i can never seem to get past the irony in a majority of the spaces i inhabit. like this one for instance...HELLO. how are you? glad you could be here, although i am not positive i can say the same...but i have already made some promisies and i intend to keep them despite myself. so its no huge revelation this is the new record, a clean slate of sorts, and one that has been long overdue...and as much as i thought i was a student of history, and that i had the screws tightened enough, it turns out the lessons of the past i am revisting in H fucking D.

so knowledge is not wisdom and on and on and all i can realistically do other than type my lonley soul to sleep is try and be patient. it stands to reason i could be out of the rain fairly quick given the geographyand economic climate but so many fires might leave me trapped here...a wet, sorry, knows-better animal...for a bad long time.

what i am trying to say in my long winded round about way is I AM SORRY, because when i found you it was supposed to be a better version of me, hustling the hustlers, kissing babies like a canidate, and turning strangers into disciples on a whim and a smile. instead its deja vu all over again except i am older and even more crafty in my self-annihilation than ever.