it's not unusual

inside of two weeks i really have let things get away from me. pretty much everyone i love has become estranged, and i know why. the question remains what to do about it. i'm not nearly stressed out or as anxious as i should or have a right to be considering the state of things. i think about each of you often and yet i can't summon the courage to let you know. i don't know what i can do to change that other than try to get my life back together, but the charade has become too obvious. my life has NEVER been together. i feel exposed. my life is a sham and two weeks is an eternity. without you i am nothing.

death with cheese

perhaps i am not as co-dependent as i originally determined - i think i am just simply bored, which leads to armageddon - its the cardinal sin - you know? maybe i should start jogging again. even if i will be jogging alone. people without their own phones and mortgages don't qualify to be in relationships in the first place. i mean the least i could do is get a lease and a beeper before i find another girlfriend. who knows, maybe a sleeping bag and the wide open sky will be enough one day.

lucky charm

what gives? what helps?

the intuition...i'll know, i'll know...but, i won't have to be sure...that its not about a boy...although, although...they can lead you, hide or reveal to, a destination known - only by the one whose face is overgrown.

you choose, you chose - poetry over prose.

a map is more real, than where you have been, or how you feel.

...and its impossible to say how important something was, and what you might have missed out on...and how it might have changed it all.

did i? did i?

did i..........?????

Goodbye Etch-A-Sketchum

You tracked upward with one knob and sideways with the other and sometimes tried a diagonal line. With more dexterity than most, you imprinted your image across my gray matter.

I carried it around with me, carefully, trying to keep you intact there.

But through some loss of focus or distraction or inattention your fingers slipped, or maybe you were tired of the toy. You made a mess you couldn’t fix, and it’s now my task to shake it away. I watch with some sadness, some fascination as the shape of you disappears in a metallic haze.